I find myself boring.
But it also has to do with not taking much time to think about where my own life has headed, or appears to be heading. Far too often, when those thoughts come to mind, I stare blankly for a moment, shudder, and then get on with the business of the day.
And there is always business to attend to. From the moment I awake – and often, that’s before 4 AM – to the moment I fall asleep, my mind reels from the number of pressing needs related to my business, my employees, my family, some organization or some person that is not me.
When I do get time to myself I almost immediately try to fill it with something other than introspection. Usually it’s Internet-related, often science or politics or religion. When I do get time to myself I generally do not like what I see. Hence the mental diversion to elsewhere.
I don’t hate my life but I can’t avoid all those thoughts of lost opportunities. Not thinking about them (by exhausting myself thinking about other things) seems to be my usual way out.